No Longer and Not Yet

Human beings are born with the natural desire to love and be loved. According to Maslow’s Hierarchy, once we have the necessities of air, water, and basic life sustaining components along with safety…next comes love.

We are born needing it without even knowing what it is. It’s one of those feelings that cannot be defined in any one way and to every person, love is different.

Maybe that’s why some of us still cling to the unhealthy. Cling to the tragic.

Relationships are hard. Love is not enough. And it never will be. And despite so many of us being unhappy in our relationships, we stay.

There’s those constant questions that can go back and forth before leaving…or before staying.

  1. What if things can change?
  2. What if I miss him/her and regret leaving?
  3. What if I stay and things keep getting worse?
  4. What if I don’t find someone else and I’m alone?
  5. What will he be without me?
  6. What will I be without him?
  7. Can I do this?
  8. What if I change my mind and it’s too late?

A professor once told me that when taking an exam, “Don’t get lost in the what-if forest.”

Don’t add in details or scenarios that don’t really exist. View the situation for what it is, and go from there. The what-if forest is large. I get lost often.

We have this fear of the unknown. This fear of possibly being alone. But when you’re already unhappy in a relationship or situation, would it really be worse to be alone?

The first love we must have is love for self. And when you love yourself, being alone really isn’t so bad.

I cling. I’m a clinger. And right now I can’t stop fighting back my feelings of needing to leave.


“We don’t have all the answers right now and it won’t all make sense, but that’s okay—it doesn’t need to. Right now all we need to do is trust that whatever we’re feeling is valid and that, more than anything, the only way to understand it is to surrender to it.

Resist the urge to fight and just surrender—to yourself and your heart.”




One thought on “No Longer and Not Yet

  1. dennyho says:

    One of my favorites quotes you’ve mentioned here: “Honor the space between no longer and not yet”. At times it can be difficult to simply live in the moment. When we do, the answers may come…


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