No young girl grows up thinking, “I want to be in an unhealthy relationship someday. I want a man that will cheat on me. I want an abusive partner. I want to sacrifice who I am as a person for the sake of love.”
No woman ever says, “I want my man to devalue me…to make me feel unworthy…to make me feel alone.”
I never thought I’d end up in a toxic marriage. A marriage that was unhealthy, a husband that was unfaithful to the vows that meant everything to me. I never thought I’d end up being emotionally abused for years before I even realized what was happening. I never ever thought I’d feel more alone with him than when I was actually alone.
I also never thought I’d find the strength to leave.
Bur here I am.
To anyone that has ever felt the toxicity…you deserve more. Don’t ever let anyone tell you that fairy tale love doesn’t exist. Because it does.
I think that is my biggest regret…
is letting him convince me that I had unrealistic expectations. I was “too sensitive.” I just go around “looking for a fight.” He convinced me that I was the problem.
I wasn’t. My expectations were far from unrealistic. And I am worthy of so much more.
Women, girls, whoever is reading this…when you are weak, your man should be by your side showing you that you are strong. When you feel ugly or fat or insecure or whatever…he should showing you in any way that he can that you are the most beautiful woman in the world to him.
You know what I’ve learned from all this?
I’ve learned what healthy love is and I’ve learned what it is not. I’ve learned that I was a co-dependent in my relationship with him.
We are all given one life. And in this life…some of us will find love over and over again. Some of us will find our one true love and live happily ever after (with work of course). I am not naive. Love and relationships are hard….rollercoasters with twists and turns and flips and everything else. All you need is someone committed to the ride in the same way you are.
In this life we have the power to choose. We can choose to settle for mediocracy or we can choose to continue chasing after everything we’ve ever wanted. Never settle for being mistreated. Never settle for being devalued. Never settle for being bullied. Never settle with someone that makes you feel alone.
And most of all…love yourself so much that being alone sounds so much better than ever being stuck with toxicity.
You my dear, deserve sunshine and rainbows and butterflies. You deserve to love fully and be loved back.